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serious mood swing today.
wasnt in a good mood ehh tdy.
1st thing, looks
2nd, when i look in th mirror i saw fats
3rd, tmd my skin tone now SUPERRR chio ~.~ Half tan Half white.
this really me faint. feel lik banging th wall. sian
life is really...
i know i still have good frens around. struggling with my negativeness again.
tdy is rly not my day. low self esteem. then wadever i c is so negative. haiz.
grrr. whenever i think of fats i feel lik tearing th fats away!!!

i know why mother nature and only mother nature have th ability to control elements of earth.
human would abuse if they had those powers.
for me i might burn th whole world. keke
just my imaginations

really down now, need someone to talk to, but seems tat everyone is asleep. well.
im so blind tat i cant c wads good about myself.
i wonder, isit really being myself is really good?
i wonder, do they even care?
i wonder, am i wanted?

i need someone to talk to, seriously

AHHHHHHHH!!!!!! suddenly super high when i came bak frm sch.
it's lik dun have intensive i super happy. my excuse= tution
went bak home then play with clothes, then ya.
TO MY HORROR THERE'S A HOLE on my fav legging. HEART PAIN LOR!!
frm a hole become a stretch. ~.~FAINT LAR. my heart bleeding LOL. kk being drama now
19 days to o's

i wonder will everyone be bak to norm after o's? everyone seems weird recently.

to eevoon:

hmm past few days i've been sensing something from you. well. i knew that u gona say something b4 u did said tat on msn. somemore in chinese. i know u're more expresive in chinese but idk? hard time reading. but it's still managable though.

okay, frankly speaking, idk wad is your defination of friends? coz for me rite, once im devoted means i will always be de.
so ya. u asked me why i cared xxx so much. one of th reason is coz she made me feel im wanted again. burst into tears of joy when she asked me something. then , coz she had certain prob last time, then i've been talking to her alot. but for nw, nt rly. we drifted. but i still can read her though. well, sometimes.
another example is jia hui. she meant quite alot to me. bonded during our BITCH days. she's th best among all i would say and i will always rmb her. also, i can read her at times. even though now we nt as close, but it's ez for me to enter her heart.
for me, being there always is friends, even though cant help much. to me, being open to friends are true friendship. well, i was once hurt by friendship but i nvr gave up what i see in true friends.
kk enough of those not really relevant stuff.
now to th mainpoint.

first of all, perhaps u always nt with us?then ya.
2nd, idk how u treat frens lor. perhaps coz u lived far, thats why need leave sch earlier.
3rd, i dont lik ppl who study then act as if never study liddat. seriously, i really hate tis kind of person. though u nvr really fully show it, but somehow a little.
4th, actually i dont really know why we ended up liddat, perhaps i dont really lik ppl only focus everything on studies ba. you noe, one of th reason bitch seperated is coz lack of outings and thus bonding. so ya. for me bonding is very important.

k then im gona use this chance to voice out something i kept in my heart to lester.
got a fb comment right, somehow im affected by it. i know u're nt to blame, i should be th wrong party, as i never really went out with u guys.

oh ya, you said that even we nvr really chat, but im special to you. well. actually i do care for you, as well as nat, though i nvr express it out. i know u guys can manage. i can c that past few days u're quite bothered about our 2 de stuff, esp past few days.. hmm. now that u voiced out how u feel, i know what im gona do le. well. dont worry. u're still my fren uh. nobody is perfect i know. i myself have many flaws. i just need time to accept.
it's not your fault for our relationship today. it's not. so dont blame yourself, dont feel helpless in helping me. it's ok tat u nvr accompany me through my sad days. it's really fine. afterall, there are other feelings that wont lose to happiness, is it not?
since u voiced out how u feel, i would take a try to rebuilt our frienship alright?
i know what i said alittle no link, im a little blur blur nw=X and hor, i need to have u saying and i answering lol. if nt i will forgt uhh.

nevertheless, eevoon is re-loved by me again uhhh!!

here is jasmine. jas, we never rly get chance to talk.blame o's .
hmm. i've guessed that i cant let it down. u nvr rly forgt. i know it's hard. u jus need another boy who loves u th way u are. who will be with u just because he loves you. it's hard to put down, i understand, i really do. but u cant go on like this. if u cant do it yourself u can depend on others. for example, we tofu. u can rely on us. jus to let you know that u arent alone okay? we are behind you. just turn behind and we'll be there. TOFU(s)will never leave u alrite. love is not everything. there's still kinship and friendship.

continue taking small baby steps towards true happiness alright? u're a brave girl. u've already went through so much. so take your time, and take one step at a time.

if you ever fall down, i'll be beside u to hold u up. to hug you when u cry. to help u to wipe away tears so that u wont have to do that alone, coz im here alrite.we're goin to go through life together alright?this is a promise. i believe tofu will be more than willing to help u too, imagine 20 odd of us to hold our dear jas when she falls down. keke. smile girl!

last reminder, do what is right alrite? no matter what we'll be with you. so dont feel odd one out alrite?

here is jia hui. well, sorry for giving you cold shoulders today. actually im nt really angry.

i just want u to say out the reason. you know me, i hate ppl hiding secrets, esp when i treat them as real true friends. be honoured that u're on my list. keke. well, hey girl! tofu is here alrite? we are here to help you. feel free to tell us everything. i know for tis prom thingy is rather odd to say out. but eventually u did. hey, there's 20+ of us right? everybody a little = A LOT ok!! so dont worry. im not ignoring you. i jus dont lik secrets. secrets make ppl sad. with secrets there's no way to built bridge into one person. tats wad i think. once again i appologise for what i did. imma gona give u a kiss as a token of my appology.
sry for making you cried. really sry ><

lastly, we are tofu. when we are alone, we are nothing but individuals.

but when we are together, we are tofu. everything is possible with tofu.

u wan wad tofu? Thai style tofu? fried tofu? steamed tofu? tofu with egg? tofu with prawn? tofu soup? u name it, we got it. that's how we are. we are diffrent as individuals, but is always the TOFU family.remember us alrite!! we are always with u. as i said to jas, im here by your side to hold you when u fall, to hug you when u cry. to help u to wipe away tears so that u wont have to do that alone, coz im here alrite. do i need loudspeaker to say that? i thought my voice is louder than loudspeaker? keke

some random pic that i took today. skipped lesson. i cant suppress my mood. so i avoid being too moody. im saving myself. sry teachers! i really wish i could be happy always.

think i look more and more fragile these days. ugly hair add on to my depression.imma still unable to accept th fact that i look better when hair is tied up. super fuck hate this fact. im still brooding over it and it's been at least 2 days. i seriously dont lik tying my HAIR UP!! GET IT? dont like it dont lik it dont like it!!OMG!! FAINT.

seriously, my hair look so CUI now lor. CMI! FK IT! AHHHHHH~~ hair is about artistic thingy and i've mess up mind. stupid me. AHHH~~ IM SOOO UGLLYYYYY =(tats hw i really felt.i think i needa get used to being ugly, so tat i wont feel hurt again. sigh.

they always said tat im nt ugly. well, i should say that when i say ugly is lik nt really ugly. its lik erm, how should i say it. is average, but it's because other's are pretty, making average ugly for me alright? there's so many ppl outside so pretty,unlike me.

spot those eye bags?omg. as plump as dumplings. i lik to eat dumplings but i dont expect it to be under my eyes right!! GOSH~.~ tis is th result of crying too much. BEWARE: CRYING HURTS.

to my horror, i think im getting uglier i seirously dk why?!! OMG !
few photo of th old me. seriously i think im off better with layer hair than thick straight hair

and lastly i think i deleted BITCH'S photos. cant rly find it anywhere. SHYT?! think i deleted it last time when i was rly depressed bout frens. -.-gosh ~.~

read my old blog, @lovex3-illusions.bs. recalled quite some things with him

though i got over our relationship, sometimes, just sometimes i still miss you, do you know that?

sometimes, i wished you where there.sometimes, just sometimes i wish to hug you tight, and say that i love you. sometimes, just sometimes, i wish you would touch me on my face, look into my eyes and say that u love me and you missed me. sometimes, just sometimes, i wish u were by my side, accompanying me to bed.so that i wont have to feel lonely no more.

not very good week for me. well. dk how many fking times i cried. over different stuff of course
im rather disappointed with something, but i cant do anything rite? it's his choice.but i hope he choose correctly.
mjor break down today, well, a minor major one. bt things is not up to me to decide. then everyone knew i cried today~.~ was away frm eng lesson at least 20 mins before my shenee came for me. she escorted me back eh.
had lunch with pao, chat a lot. felt rather relaxed after that.
im tat kind of no talk will die ppl. bo bian. and wth eng im typing. heck care! sry mdm hanim ^^V

i wonder..
am i at fault of everything around?
is it tat it's best if one dont voice out opinions?
is it tat having no strong character is better?
coz of my character i lose many things.
perhaps it's best to be ignorant of things
they say ignorance is bliss.

im stuck at home, due to status as a mysian.haiz.
rly dont feel lik living again.
i wanted to go on, but when i look around, it makes me depress.

first, im always stuck at home.
secondly, somehow i feel tat frens are just frens. sad to say tat though. i feel alone at times. and i would have to force myself to think positively, which often dont work.i dont rly feel that connection between me and them. i know they are great. but there's a link lost. no cure to it rite?
thirdly, i seriously dk wad am i gona do about my future. for me is die early better.
next, i think i've messed my life up.

lastly, im so lost w/o him. i know it's my choice, but i thought i can handle it.
you said tat u dont feel th difference between now and th past. yea, possible. i nvr rly did played a good role as a gf. .
you said that u are fine. i'll be great to hear tat
you said tat my attitude make our relationship liddat. yea. i agree? i attitude sux like hell i know. same things go to my frenship, everything bye bye. so nw i feel alone, serve me rite, is it nt?
you said tht give us sometime, maybe i will change. let nature take course. well, for me, i would try my veery best to forgt. forgt bout our past. i know i cant chnge.
once, u said tat u love me. but sad to say, i cant feel love much.
been crying a lot these days, kept asking myself do i still love you? if yes,what is the feeling of love. if no, why am i crying?
th last 2 weeks or so of our love journey, i rly dk what is love. im lost.
may i ask u, do u rly love me? how is your love like?

tell me, someone, what is so great bout life. i see nth in it
im rly tired. no matter how long i slept. i dont wanna wake up. coz when im awake, it's hard to fall asleep again.

missing him really a lot. things aint easy as i thought.everywhere there's memories of ours. so hard to let go.