who am I?

someone once told me. "dont u think that other are just perfect looking?" since then i have been pondering. obviously, im much influenced by her. nevertheless i try nt to talk to her about such stuff.afraid to hurt her.

you see, th reason i cant get over are as follow

1. i rmb well when i was sec 1, many ppl tend to treat me transparently. when i go out with lik erm natalie(i dun wish to hide) at tat time, she is always lik an attraction more than i do. ( i know i bhb lar! so ugly still wan ppl notice) such situation continued about few months or so.guys tend to ask number frm her this and all tat. perhaps it's jealousy i felt. but th feeling is terrible, if there is anyone outthere feeling th same as me, she will understand.
2. sec2: 14.2.08-valentime day. although i was indulge in my love boat, it reminds of guys which tried to jio her. presents, attention this and that. it do hurt ok? until i with my dear, i never get a proper valentine present. and my friend beside me are getting all th attention. going out with her i feel tat i such a nuisance, xia suay-ing myself only. th feeling of being neglected stays with me till now. i hate it, serious. ppl around me would know how would i respones. also, the person who liked natalie and whom she like seemingly detest me in a way that, he c me his face would look so erm.. buey song liddat. i dun even noe what i did to deserve such different treatment.
3. then comes in bball. natalie and i once loved bball, i still do, but always dun gt a chance. shant elaborate about tat.i wanted to play well, which leaded to another agony in my life. i remember that during sec 1 or so i joined bball, however being hated by my seniors, all of them i should say. they say i attitude them. but i really dun have th intention, just that i dun smile as much as others do. passion wanting to play well leaded to complication. often i asked myself, am i wrong? I've changed after that, no longer the me.
4. xiuling came into a picture. i know im fucking ugly can? so yea. the situation repeated, with her having all the attention. it was like x2 on how i felt when i with natalie. i should say among 3 of them im th most buang kays? i know it very well that im just grasses beside th roads. never can a grass bloom into flower. (*i know it's not their fault, but the feeling is deep rooted inside my heart. i tried to accept, and failed*)
5. another bball incident is when me and natalie played with dong yue fren. also, one of them jio her or smt. due to hp prob, them often contact me to ask us out. however th true reason: asked me out so that natalie would come out also. is there anybody in th world who understand my feeling at that moment. the feeling of being used, just to help others to achieve their goals? fuck man?!
6. reccently, i truely felt the different treatment when one is prettier. during out community gathering, a guy asked for ym number. of course. i did my make up on my ugly face. it's like a mask ok. a mask of confident.i remember well. w/o make up, ppl treat me lik shyt liddat.with make up, i gained that pathetic little attention of boys. yea. pathetic isnt it? everybody wish to be somebody, amanda said. i agreed. nobody wants to be treated as nobody. but too bad, tis is how th world works.

well. such short paragraph cant summarise everything,it's a form of releasing my emotions in me. often, i do not know hwo should i talk to. if there is anybody who have th same feeling as me, u would know how i felt. but.. is there anybody in this world that...
nevertheless. life must go on. this post is lengthy i should say, perhpas posting more pics next time ba. till then. i know i am boring -.-